In praise of small town news

There was a real prize in our mailbox yesterday – ‘The Valley View’ local newspaper. (Setting aside the incredible coincidence regarding the family compound in Arizona…)

Having lived for many years in a small town in Alaska, I love local news reporting. The articles about art and farmer’s markets and new restaurants and city council arguments are great. Even the ads are entertaining and, well, ‘informative’ I guess. But the most priceless thing is the Police Report, and in this, The Valley View seems to be at its finest. For example:

“While a couple was moving from their rented residence, someone took the opportunity to help them in their absence by removing around $1000 worth of items from the home. So far they haven’t returned them.”

“Stolen vehicle. A car was parked behind the Old Bank around 5 am so the owner could catch a bus to work. However, when he returned to where his car was parked, it had been moved. There was no broken glass but the car window was down just a mite. No one had permission to use the car and the owner is eager to prosecute. The gas gauge indicated someone had enjoyed quite a ride.”

(Down ‘just a mite?’)

There was another rather convoluted story about police stopping a car and then smelling marijuana in it. “They were asked if there was any marijuana in the vehicle and both occupants seemed very confused with the question but the police weren’t confused.”

This story ended with the succinct comment, “They rewarded them with a ride to the station.” Another story ended with “The vehicle got towed and the suspect got booked.” And still another reported that “Radar picked up a vehicle going 39 mph in a 30 mph zone which is a no-no.” This suspect "had a terrible time getting his name straight.” There was a lot more to that story too, none of it good.

Can’t hardly wait for next week’s edition!