Dysfunctional People

Researchers have declared the new crop of college students to be more narcissistic than their predecessors.

(Well, maybe, and maybe not – I think the research was flawed but that’s another story. It is actually the conclusions that were drawn about ‘cause’ which are of interest to me here.)

The researchers blamed the ‘self-esteem movement’ in education for the change. According to Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University, "Kids are self-centered enough already" and we should stop endlessly telling them how special they are. I agree. And I’d go a step further.

I think we’ve overemphasized “respect” as well as self-esteem. In the greater Seattle area there have been 4 murders committed in recent months with, incredibly, this as the reason: “He was disrespecting me.” (As in, for example, “he wouldn’t shake my hand” or “he looked at me funny.”)

Why don’t they know that respect is given by someone else, not demanded by ourselves? We can certainly be pleased when we get it, but we have no reason to be incensed if we don’t. Yet our schools have been emphasizing ‘respect’ over practically everything else, as if it is an Absolute Right, unattached to our personal responsibility. No wonder these kids – these same kids who are so Special – are off the deep end over “Disrespecting.” These are complex concepts, not simple ‘rules.’

Here's the thing: We aren’t all Special. We can make ourselves special by developing to our potential, but we aren’t the center of everyone’s universe just because we exist. And we don’t deserve respect, we earn it. Why aren't we telling our kids THAT?

Aren’t we missing some Balance here? There are hundreds of things, not just 3 or 4 things, which need to develop in our personalities as we grow up. When too much emphasis is given to a short list of politically favored and simplistically rendered themes, we end up with bulges where there should be well-rounded personalities. We end up with dysfunctional people.

And after reading the news every day, I don’t think we can afford any more of them.

Elementary school teachers and soccer moms – what WERE you thinking?



A Clinical Definition: Narcissistic people have a grandiose sense of self-importance. They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. They believe they are "special" and unique and can only be understood by other special people. They feel entitled to things, particularly admiration. They lack empathy and they often take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.