Dumpster Diving, or how I could succeed as homeless person

I saw a news report on some “regular” people in New York City who Dumpster Dive for food and other goods thrown away by businesses every day. They were trying to point out the waste that Americans – or grocery stores at least – generate unnecessarily. I am tucking the idea into my mental file folder of ‘how to succeed as a homeless, destitute person.’ I figure that I need to be prepared for my old age.

I first started thinking about how to be a successful “destitute” several years ago, when a man who walked into our community college counseling center was immediately identified by one of the senior staff as a homeless man who was just released from jail. Apparently the lack of shoelaces gave part of it away – you don’t get to keep your shoelaces in jail. I started wondering what other challenges – and solutions – might be involved if I were to find myself a participant in this “lifestyle.” (Of course if the "lifestyle" was forced on me, I'd be thinking other things entirely!)

Obviously this man knew that a college campus would provide shelter during long, odd hours, was located along a bus line, had a cafeteria with freshly dumped garbage cans and was full of sympathetic people. He may not have had his shoelaces, but he knew he could wash his socks in the men’s room.

It seemed to me that a person could be smart about being destitute and be OK – so I set out to develop a plan. (That would be just like me, wouldn’t it?)

Any good plan depends on a comprehensive needs-assessment (safety, temperature amelioration, mobility, nutrition, and sanitation) coupled with a list of challenges (having to push your shopping cart around with all your worldly possessions, where to wash your socks – although we may have that one solved) and an analysis of options. I always wondered, for example, why panhandlers in San Francisco were asking for change for a cup of coffee, cigarettes or a beer. There is no nutritional benefit to a cup of coffee. No, I would be smarter than that. I’d go for the big nutritional bang of a fresh tomato or banana or apple, or buy a can of soup. I’d also try to save for a bus pass – that would be very valuable for warmth and comfort as well as transportation. And don’t forget the possible benefits of "residing" in a wide interstate median with trees – roadkill could be readily available, as well as rubber tire debris for shelter. Potable water can be found at rest stops. In addition to the aforementioned colleges, libraries would also be a good place to spend some time. (Although the public library in Wrangell, Alaska specifically prohibits sock washing in the lavatories. There is a sign. I saw it. I think their problem was more that people left the socks hanging to dry afterward…)

I think this plan is shaping up nicely.

(Please, I know homelessness is a serious problem in the world. But this isn’t the world; it’s just my blog. And very little is serious here.)