Surgeries and Worries

My mother is having surgery – knee-replacement surgery – today and I am here, she (with all my siblings) is there and I am worried. And out-of-sorts. I know that my being there wouldn’t make any difference and that I will go next week when I will be needed to help her at home. Somehow that doesn’t help today though.

I guess I am just a worrier. Somehow, to me, that is the thing that needs to be done in these situations. Worry. And so I do it – on a grand scale. Never have I actually been able to articulate to myself how, exactly, that is supposed to help. Since I also believe that we do things – anything – pretty much in order to advance ourselves and our own little plans and purposes along some self-determined continuum, it would seem that I could arrive at a ‘purpose’ or even just a ‘rationale’ for worry. But it seems to happen as an underlying process, independent of planning- and accomplishing-sorts-of-things.

So, having said that, I am going to try to leave it. There must be a better way to spend my day.