These trying times

I don't know about you, but I'm not really feeling 'economically stimulated' here. My tax-rebate check hasn't arrived. The government-provided schedule stated that it would be mailed no later than the 20th of June and here it is, the 26th already, and I have no check. What sort of economic stimulation am I supposed to have without any economic 'input?' I can't do any 'output' without 'input' here!

Naturally I called to enquire. An automated system informed me that my check would actually not be mailed until July 4th. Never mind that nothing, in fact, will be mailed July 4th, it being a federal holiday - and you'd think the IRS would know that. No explanation about why the website says one thing and the 'recording' says another. No assistance offered. In fact, the recording told me in no uncertain terms that I would not be able to call again to enquire until after August 1 if I still don't get it after it won't be mailed on the 4th. If that makes sense.

It's a good thing I wasn't counting on this. I already transfered more than this measly $1200 to my local gas station anyway. I was just hoping to pad the family coffers a bit more. But all this anxious peering into mailboxes this week has soured me on the whole thing. Too little, too late. Not really much of a boost to my confidence in the whole economy. Imagine them making 'the check is in the mail' even more of a joke.

Nope. Not stimulated at all.

Downright discouraged, in fact.

Sunburn

Yesterday was the perfect day to be home - clear, cool, sunny and bright, a little breeze blowing, birds singing, very blue sky, no traffic or machinery noise... bliss. I didn't have to go to work - so it was a rare opportunity to spend this wonderful day out in my lovely back yard. I found a paperback book to read in my collection of yet-to-be-read-maybe books, hustled out to the grass in my bare feet, rearranged the Adirondack chairs under the trees so I could sit in the shade, and settled down to enjoy the view of green grass and flowers. A cold Diet Coke, a few pretzels, a footrest... and the whole day stretched out luxuriously in front of me. I got visited by squirrels. The jays chattered at me.

Maybe there was a little too much cool breeze. My feet were cold. I moved my chair into the sun. My Diet Coke got warm. I got another one and found a shady spot under the chair to put it. A city mowing crew showed up to mow the grass on the other side of my fence - 4 times. (Don't ask - I don't know why they had to keep coming back to do it some more.) I got up and moved to the deck, further away from the fence, but had to clean bird poop off of the deck chair frames before I could put the cushions on them and sit down again. And then I had to clean up the remains of the peanuts that the squirrels had shelled on the deck. (And yes, toss out some more.) The paperback book got a little trashy. The sun moved and I had to adjust my chair to stay out of the shade where it was still a little cool. And I got a world-class sunburn on my feet.

These are the situations in which I find myself waxing philosophic about the yin and the yang or some such nonsense: Into each life a little rain must fall; You can't appreciate the good without the contrast of the bad; It always rains on the unloved; There is no such thing as perfection.

Stuff happens.

But forget that - it was a wonderful day and I'd have that same day over and over again if I could. (With the possible exception of eliminating the mowing crew.)

Happy Summer!

Berries, guarded by Nettles

We went berry picking this weekend - twice! Lured into the state forest near our home by the memory of the pink blossoms on budding bushes that we saw about a month ago, we ventured forth with our homemade berry buckets to hunt the wily berry. We were pretty excited. I used to pick salmonberries in Alaska, right outside my kitchen door. By the end of the 'season' I always had a whole cupboard full of jelly for the year. Jewel-red, sweet and mild, salmonberry jelly has always been my favorite. And sure enough, there are bushes - and berries - right here in Washington. We were anxious to get out to our 'scouted' area and harvest the goodies.

Someone else got there first.

The bushes were pretty picked over but we persevered. (If there's one thing we know how to do, it is persevere.) Unfortunately we persevered right into a nest of stinging nettles standing sentinel over a nice bush of mostly ripe berries.

Did we stop to wonder, before reaching in, why there were a bunch of berries still there? No. Were we the least bit suspicious? No. If you'd asked me, I'd have said that I wouldn't recognize a stinging nettle if one bit me. Um... Evidently that would be wrong. As soon as they 'bit' us, we knew.

There is no treatment for stinging nettles. They just have to sting until they are done, which, in our case, was about 26 hours after our encounter.

(I bet you wonder why we ventured out the 2nd time - but it is probably clear: not enough berries to actually make a batch of jelly. We felt a little like Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart on the African Queen having to go back in the water with the leeches.)

The second day was better though - and we each filled our buckets. Tonight we made a batch of jelly and I think it turned out pretty well. (I'm a little out of practice, but Mark and I together can do anything.) There is something quite satisfying about those little jars of jelly, sparkling on the kitchen counter as they cool.

We might even go for more.

Gloom and doom

Just some thoughts on a lazy Friday afternoon...

Doesn't it seem like the news is full of downright gloomy stuff just now? If 'consumer sentiment' is what is keeping this economy afloat, 'they' (whoever they are) aren't doing a very good job of boosting our sentiments, are they? There are a few 'up' sides in the news, however, depending on who 'you' are:

• Retail businesses have been working hard at trying to latch on to our 'economic stimulus' checks with all kinds of offers and deals. Too late for them though, because the oil companies managed to pocket 100% of that 'gift' from Uncle Sam back-to-the-taxpayers before anyone else even had a chance at it. A direct transfer into their coffers would have been easier. But you have to agree - it was quite a 'stimulus' for Big Oil! Why don't I feel a boost of confidence in the economy?

• There is still some effort out there to save the consumer: Several organizations have actually spent time and money to 'research' the possibility that those 'Kinoki Foot Pads' offered in Infomercials might work. (You know the ones - pads to put on your feet overnight to pull the 'toxins' out of your body.) And even more amazingly, any number of people have written in to thank those researchers for saving them from buying them - they were wondering if they really work...

• And, with prices going up, it's nice to know that it IS possible to cut down on costs - for example, to design a wedding gown out of toilet paper - presumably built to reuse, recycle and repurpose.

Always looking for good news!

Beautiful Portland

We were in Portland over the weekend - a beautiful city in a beautiful state. The weather, miraculously, was perfect; the skies clear. Mt Hood, usually as elusive as our own Mt Rainier, was strutting its stuff for all to see, and the Rose Garden was (almost) in full bloom.


We had a chance to hike in Silver Falls, an old haunt of ours from way back - and it didn't disappoint. The trail takes you behind several of the falls (compare the next two pictures; that's Todd and Laura in the middle of the second picture - same waterfall) and through some beautiful forest.






Isn't the world wonderful?

Monday

I lead a quiet life. Nothing spectacular or showy or attention-grabbing. I don't especially like to be noticed. I wear beige. I know I'm important to the people I want to be important to. The rest of the world can go on without my headlines.

No red hats for me.

So today, a Monday in every sense of the word, is excruciating - there are 'workers' outside my second-story office window, on ladders; and mostly what they seem to be doing is looking in my window. And I'm not doing anything. (I have one of those part-time, whenever, jobs that some days means I just have to be here when no one else is. And today is one of those days.)

What ARE they doing?

Supposedly, they are replacing the siding on the building. But, actually, they're just hanging out. I wish they'd pick someone else's window to hang out in front of, and look in.

Should I get up and close the blinds? Leave my office and try to work in another room? Make faces at them? Hold up a sign that says "Get back to work?" (if so, would I know how to translate that into Spanish, which, judging by their conversation, would surely be necessary?) I could throw office supplies at them, but that's really the only 'offense' I could deploy.

Ack!!! Maybe they are hoping that if they look in office windows they will get 'flashed!' Boy are they in for a disappointment - either way that goes.

They are talking - yelling - at each other. (At least they aren't laughing and pointing. I can be thankful for that.) How much discussion should be required to tear siding off a building? And why would you perch on ladders outside an office window to debate those issues, whatever they are? And, really, with all this window exposure, how much actual siding is there to tear off anyway?

Surely they'll leave soon.

But no, they've been there for a long time. Intruding in my space. Making me feel like a spectacle. I'm mortified.

It's going to be a long day at the office.

Toot Toot!

♫ Had a birthday, toot toot
Had a birthday, toot toot
Dear To-odd had a birthday
Had a birthday, toot toot. ♫

My son's birthday is tomorrow. I didn't want him to grow up. I wanted him to remain just as he was - at every stage in his life, including the one in which he delivered this, his own version of the birthday song. (Slight mis-hearing of the words involved...)

He was such a sweet baby, a darling toddler, an inquisitive and cooperative child, an involved, active and goal-oriented teen, an amazing young adult... well, maybe I'm wildly prejudiced. (I retain that "mother's" right.) But he IS practically perfect.

And I don't even blame him for growing up - I just wish it hadn't happened so fast.

Happy Birthday Todd!

More Advice - Raising Children

On the subject of raising children:

Generally I don't advise it at all. In fact, if you have any doubts, you really, really shouldn't. From my observations of other people's children I know that they eat up resources at a phenomenal rate, screw up a lot of otherwise good marriages, and are messy and inconvenient. They break things, spill things, offend things; they are demanding, time consuming, frustrating and expensive. They are NOT short adults. You often can't reason with them. You often can’t take them anywhere. They don't listen to you, but at some point in their lives they do listen to their peers. They ultimately dress funny, listen to awful music, try things they shouldn't, don't bother with things they should, and just when they are finally getting to be fun again, go off to college without you.

They are wonderful.

(Obviously, with the exception of that last part about college, my own child turned out not to have any of those faults. Imagine that.)

But here is what should be the most obvious thing – and somehow isn’t: If you are going to have children, don't expect them to raise themselves. Once you have them, you have a responsibility like no other - it is full time, all the time. My biggest peeve about people raising children badly is that they don't really bother to raise them at all. Children will 'work it out by themselves' if you let them, but they will do so as savages and you may not like the result. (But then you probably aren't paying attention to the result anyway, if that was your position in the first place.)

So – I’ve been thinking about my “Top 10” best pieces of advice for parenting. (Sorry - this is a long one!)

* * Teach, teach, teach.
If you are counting on the schools to do this, you haven't been paying attention. Give your children a basic confidence with numbers, showing how to manipulate them without being scary or pretending that each concept is ‘new’ and ‘different.’ Math should be simple. Expect them to feel that way about it. And don’t stop with math: expand their vocabulary, wow them with science, woo them with history, excite them with reading, impress them with nature. Teach them how to think, how to reason, how to solve problems, how to research. Help them formulate questions and find answers.

* * Practice, practice, practice.
Skills – particularly social skills – aren't going to develop by magic. If you don't show them how to use a napkin, identify themselves on the phone, talk without mumbling, share, take turns, shake hands firmly, look people in the eye, wash their hands, keep their fingers out of their noses, and be nice, they certainly aren't going to pick it up from their friends. And without those skills, they are going to be miserable, self-doubting, picked on by their peers, and always wondering why life isn’t going well.

* * Intervene.
If your child is struggling, show her how to solve a problem, how to fix something, how to make it right, how to get along, how to stand up for herself, how to apologize. Children will eventually learn how to do this for themselves, but many's a non-functioning adult who learned the wrong way. If left to their own devices, their solutions to problems tend to look more like "I'll ignore this" or "I'll just punch this kid in the nose" when they’re young, and when older, worse, to stop eating, get something pierced, or sniff/inhale/shoot up something you don't even want to know about. Effective problem solving has to do with evaluating things, considering alternatives, looking at consequences... not your typical 'first reaction' sort of stuff. Give your child the skills to do this - work with them.

* * Model the right stuff.
We aren't, any of us, very naturally inclined to hard work, persistence, productive habits, courtesy, or eating the right vegetables. And yes, unfortunately, children learn by observing. Finishing things, following up, pitching in, keeping promises, meeting responsibilities, achieving to high standards, spending wisely, indulging moderately… are all easier to do if you’ve always seen that that’s how life works; that’s what people do. Modeling the right stuff also goes for dealing with fear. If a very young child is frightened of something – thunder, maybe - she will look to you right away for your reaction. If you laugh instead, or talk about how amazing a big storm can be, you might just sidetrack a lifetime phobia. Think about it! Don’t scream at spiders. (Metaphorically.)

* * Enjoy life.
Happy adults most easily get that way by being happy children - otherwise there is a whole lot of work to do! Why wouldn't you give them the easy way to this result? Play. Laugh. Tell jokes. Share funny stories. Get over stuff. Celebrate successes.

* * Ensure their place.
Be glad they are there - and let them know it. Cuddle and kiss. Hug and smile. No one should grow up feeling unloved or unwanted. And kids can come to awful conclusions – that you don't want them or love them – even when you think it should be obvious that you do. Make sure your interactions with them have at least as many positives as negatives. Your role isn't just to discipline. Their role isn't just to let you alone.

* * Give them time to Be.
Imagination takes time to develop. So does creativity. And serenity. If your kids are tightly scheduled into lessons and sports and play dates and early bedtimes they can’t really become what they would become. If they have a bazillion toys or are always sent off to play video games or watch DVD’s so they stay out of your hair, this also means that they are NOT thinking, creating, learning, or developing. And, really, unless you work 80 hours a week, don't expect them to. If they are in school, that IS their job. They are there for 6-7 hours a day; they have homework for another 3 hours... they should have to hold down weekend or evening jobs to pay for their car insurance besides? Do all the household chores besides? Give them a break.

* * Don't confuse them.
There can't be one set of rules for children at one age, and another set when they get a little older, and still another for them as young adults. The same standards that will apply to them as adults are the standards they should be learning to live up to as children. At what age is it really acceptable to scream for what you want? Never. Let a child get away with something unacceptable once and he will try it again. Let him get away with it another time, and he will know that it is a winning behavior. Letting it slide because it is inconvenient to deal with it at the time is simply foolish. And later on, disciplining with external, imposed consequences (“you’re grounded!”) rather than internal moralizing (“I’m disappointed with you and know you can do better – and this is why.”) just encourages inappropriate decision-making. As a former school counselor I can assure you – teenagers often decide to go ahead and do something anyway after carefully weighing the negative consequences and thinking “it’s totally worth it!”

* * Guide them in the world.
Career choices are something children should grow up considering. There are two questions they need to be able to answer when making career decisions – who am I, and what is out there for me to do? And a few weeks before high school graduation is a lousy – and expensive – first time to try to answer those questions. As a parent, you can acknowledge and encourage the particular skills, talents, and preferences of your young child and talk about how these might lead to further interests. You can help older children with projects and volunteering and entrepreneurship; encourage summer jobs and internships for high schoolers; set up informational interviews, introduce them to colleagues in fields they might be interested in investigating, and take them to your local employment services office to attend a job search seminar. Career exploration is a process – a long one. Of all things to leave to chance – this is one of the worst.

* * Be purposeful; be genuine; be the parent
To some extent a child is going to be what he was born to be. All the parenting, all the teaching, all the guiding in the world can’t guarantee a particular result. While we can’t dictate a personality, we can stick to our guns about our expectations for behavior. Be confident that your expectations will be met. Be clear about what they are, and sincere about how important they are to you, but say so if you were wrong about them. Live them yourself. Be willing to be firm in the face of consequences – both theirs and yours. Know that your first role is as a parent.

Whew! And there is so much more.

Ad Slogans

Something got me going on ad slogans again - you know the little ditties that are supposed to stick in your mind while so completely representing the product that you will always remember it? I think the only ones you really remember are the duds, but maybe that's just me. It was, in fact, a dud that got me off on this track.

So... doing a little research here, I find that some of the award winning ones that I'd agree are successful are -

Citgo: There at every turn

ATT: Reach out and touch someone

Jaguar: Grace... Space... Pace

Lay's: Betcha can't eat just one

Visa: It's everywhere you want to be


Some that actually have a place in society, even though they aren't very good as actual advertising:

Brylcreem: "A little dab'll do ya"
(I think they made a bad decision on this one - wouldn't they want you to use a LOT of their product? Like the toothpaste ads that kept piling it on until in recent years you were given to understand that you really needed a double layer on your brush?)

Charmin: "Please don't squeeze the Charmin"
(Really? Just how does this advertise the product?)

Courage Tavern Ale: "It's what our right arm's for"
(OK - not sure I even want to go there...)

New York: "I love New York"
(Particularly when expressed as "I heart NY" - which took me a long time to figure out - this really doesn't say anything!)

Burger King: "Have it your way"
(I always like the direct slam on the 'competition' ads; don't they realize it is an open invitation for retaliation? 'You'll get yours, Burger King!")

Anyway, here's what got me going on all this nonsense:

• Flomax: "Who doesn't want to spend less time in the bathroom?"

I'll grant you - it's Simple. Cuts right to the heart of the matter, yes. But maybe not really at the level of creativity we expect. Bet they paid a lot of money for that ad though.

...and unexpected 'other' things

I was driving into town this morning when the sky fell on me.

It sounded like the huge drops that plop onto your car roof from overhanging trees after a heavy rain - a staccato rapping of something big.

Evidently I was driving under a flock of birds. Nine direct hits on my windshield, 14 total individual messes on the car altogether - I was so stunned by how 'personal' their attack was, I had to get out and count! And all of them virtually simultaneous. I could barely see out the windshield to finish my drive.

And of course, while it rained ferociously yesterday, today is only cloudy, allowing the poo to dry out as I drove along. For all to see. It's embarrassing, actually.

Such a coordinated attack surely had to have been planned. Synchronized. Targeted. Those little buggers had to have been 'saving up.' There must have been a signal to the group - "make it dirty - NOW!"

I shudder to think.

Unexpected delights

We had a visitor late yesterday, just as the last light was lingering in the yard - a raccoon had come to scavenge peanuts on our deck. If you've never seen one of these little guys up close, too bad - they are amazing creatures. Their tiny little 'hands' are so gentle as they reach out, searching the ground around them, patting here and there; the mask on their faces and the stripes on their tails a perfect disguise for nighttime burglar activities. So cute.

Our little Maddie has been giving us hints for months now that there is a new creature in our back yard. She sits at the back door in the evening, and when there is something 'out there' her whole body tries to tell you so. While we suspected a raccoon because the neighborhood group-email warned of one, we hadn't actually seen him before. But last night, there he was.

We might regret this later, but we threw out more peanuts just so we could watch him.

The notion that life is full of such unexpected delights - and that the next one is just around the corner if you'll only look - escapes me all too often. I've been caught up in little irritations and annoyances - hassles and disappointments - entirely too much lately. I'm not sure why I have let it get me down and I'd like to say I'm going to turn over a new leaf and rebound here to a happier me again, but... without a cause to point to, a solution is a little harder to find.

I think my expectations are too high. I want the BIG things to look forward to, and there aren't any on my horizon. So I should be looking closer and smaller, since it is the little, unexpected things in life - visiting raccoons - that provide the high spots on a day to day basis. I want to be able to shift my thinking to the shorter term so the little things fill up the spots that seem to be waiting for something else - something somehow BIG enough to attend to.

Right now Frik is sitting on the edge of the desk, purring his little head off at me. That's a wonderful thing! Just outside my kitchen window my new peonies are blooming beautifully in spite of dreary wet weather. I managed to catch my mother at home when I called her a little while ago (to ask about how to make potato salad - a little thing) so we got to visit and laugh together for a bit. The wonderful forest path we hiked on this weekend is only a few miles from our house and we could easily go again and again. Payday happened. Last week I found a new friend to write long, philosophical, thought-provoking emails with; my piano is still in tune and I have time to play it; and it is light late enough at night to see funny little raccoons who come visiting.

Yes - I need to focus on unexpected delights.

Over-ambitious

In spite of the lack (still) of spring/summer weather, we can't resist the pull of a hike in the woods, given long days and the promise of emerald green vegetation and wild flowers. Yesterday we decided to try a local watershed preserve - a place we drive by every day on our way in to town. It is on top of Redmond Ridge and, in spite of being right in the middle of our daily commute, is a world away from the city. We just didn't realize how extensive the trail system was, nor how remote it would feel once inside the preserve. The perfect place!

There are even separate trails for hikers and bicyclists - our favorite thing! (We hate being run over by bicycles - as I've ranted about over and over on these pages.)

And so we set out. Map in hand, we wandered into the woods. (Who are we kidding? Does a map every really help us?) Green was everywhere, that's for sure. This is a fresh and dense forest - a combination, somehow, of old growth and new. There are some truly monster trees, and underneath them ferns are unfurling, the skunk cabbage leaves are near their 3-4 foot mature length. Everything in the forest is straining to outdo everything else. In its early summer garb it is all vivid and spectacular. We couldn't get enough. Around every corner there was a sun-dappled tree or a blazing white fungus or the sound of a little stream. Birds chirped... well, you know. Irresistible. And we we kept going.

I had the notion in my mind, having studied this part of the county on the aerial maps of Google Earth, that if we kept going on the trail, we'd come out on a road I use when I go in to work - perpendicular to the one we'd taken to get to the park in the first place. And sure enough, we did... only about a mile and half further west than I'd anticipated. And several hundred feet (am I exaggerating here?) lower in elevation than the road we'd need to return to. So, OK, we were game for an uphill walk. It's a nice country road. And it leads right up to a golf club and a pretty nice pizza place. This plan is shaping up nicely, right? Lunch and a cold drink (and a bathroom!) and a rest in the middle of a long hike sounds perfect.

And it was. But after lunch we still had about a mile and a half to go to get back to the car. Overall we probably hiked about 5-6 miles. (Mark actually thinks it might have been closer to 7 miles, but he needed new shoes...)

It was a bit over-ambitious for us at the beginning of our hiking season. To my credit, I was sore last night, but not really today!

That's actually pretty encouraging.